


blocked

by buttdog



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Genderfluid Pidge | Katie Holt, Humor, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, another gropchat fic ?? NO WAY !!, everyone is 18+
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 16:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13955052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttdog/pseuds/buttdog
Summary: hunkle: why am I the only person in this house that sleeps????gremlin: someone has to





	1. the devils lettuce is extra litty at 3am

**Author's Note:**

> if ur about to read this im sorry !!!!

**2:45AM**

_**wintersoldier** sent a message to **spiderman**. _

**wintersoldier:** lance What are u doing

 **wintersoldier:** literally could U be any louder

 **spiderman:** SORRY SHIRO

 **spiderman:** i cant find my lighter !!

 **wintersoldier:** Ur gonna wake up pidge

 **spiderman** : ?? we both know shes still awake

 **spiderman** : gremlin activities

 **wintersoldier** : Why don’t u use hunks candle lighter

 **spiderman** : Cos its downstairs

 **wintersoldier** : i’ll get it

 **spiderman** : U WOULD DO THAT FOR ME

 **wintersoldier** : Yes so u can shut up

 **spiderman** : since ur going down….could u bring some hawaiian rolls too…..pls sir

 **wintersoldier** : >:(

 **wintersoldier** : i guess

 **spiderman** : i owe u my life

 **wintersoldier** : gimmie 5 mins

 **spiderman** : im love u

 

 

**2:51AM**

_**Keet** sent a message to **Shit**. _

**Keet** : Is that you in the kitchen

 **Shit** : yeh

 **Shit** : how do you know its me

 **Keet** : Because you trample down the stairs with reckless abandon

 **Shit** : no i don’t

 **Keet** : U do. hunk and pidge agree

 **Shit** : fuck em

 **Keet** : Wtf are u even doing

 **Shit** : getting stuff for lance

 **Keet** : He has legs

 **Shit** : he doesn’t like using them

 **Keet** : Or you just want to touch dicks with him

 **Shit** : blocked

 

 

**2:54AM**

_**pid** sent a message to **lan**. _

**pid** : if u touch my cheetos i will put a hole in ur neck

 **lan** : why are u threatening me at this hour

 **pid** : dont act the fool i can hear u stealing food in the kitchen as we speak

 **pid** : putting ur dirty hands on everything

 **lan** : ill have u know that is NOT me but is in fact SHIRO

 **pid** : hmmmmm inch resting

 **pid** : the only logical reason for this is he’s getting something for U

 **lan** : What can i say? alpha males aim to please me

 **pid** : u can keep saying that doesn’t mean its true!

 **lan** : i will keep saying it and it is tru

 **pid** : Ur delusion is almost impressive 

 **lan** : thank u

 **pid** : i said Almost.

 **lan** : suddenly i cant read

 

 

 

**3:02AM**

_**lanceylance** sent a message to the group **OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET**_.

 **lanceylance** : eating a hawaiian roll and loading this bowl….when it hit me….are these even from hawaii…

 **gremlin** : ahhhhhhhhhhhhhAAAhhhhhhhhhhh

 **gremlin** : is that what ur brain sounds like

 **lanceylance** : yes...How do u know

 **kogay** : Why are u smoking at 3am

 **lanceylance** : the devils lettuce is extra litty at 3am

 **gremlin** : ur last brain cell really putting in the work huh

 **lanceylance** : im proud of him/her/it

 **kogay** : The hawaiian rolls are mine

 **#notmyshiro** : woops

 **kogay** : Enabler

 **#notmyshiro** : i thought they were hunks

 **lanceylance** : they are hunks??

 **kogay** : He bought them for me

 **lanceylance** : just cos they were “intended” for u doesnt mean they are “yours”

kogay: Yes it does 

 **lanceylance** but im hungwey

 **gremlin** : hunk doesnt buy me hawaiian rolls

 **lanceylance** : thats cos ur not a 5”8 asian male with questionable lifestyle choices

 **gremlin** : gagged

 **kogay** : I’m 5”10

 **#notmyshiro** : lol

 **kogay** : I am

 **#notmyshiro** : sure buddy

 **gremlin** : if ur 5”10 then so am i

 **lanceylance** : imagining a 5”10 pidge makes my body tense with dread

 **gremlin** : god made me 5ft bcos if i was bigger id be powerful enough to throw hands with him

 **kogay** : The homophobia in this house is rampant

 **lanceylance** : rampant

 **gremlin** : okay english major

 **kogay** : Perish

 **kogay** : Don’t you have work in a few hours Lance anyway?

 **lanceylance** : i start “working” in 5 “hours” im so “happy” would never want to “die”

 **#notmyshiro** : go the fuck to sleep

 **kogay** : *Samuel L Jackson voice*

 **gremlin** : agsjdkdjsjsj

 **#notmyshiro** : lance

 **lanceylance** : yeah

 **#notmyshiro** : Are u watching porn

 **lanceylance** : why yes i am

 **gremlin** : send me the link

 **kogay** : Why are u watching porn at 3am

 **lanceylance** : cos i was wired and couldnt sleep so i thought id smoke nd calm down but i guess i was just horny

 **gremlin** : are u masturbating and typing

 **gremlin** : dare i say Talent

 **kogay** : Pls say you aren’t

 **lanceylance** : im not but i sense a challenge

 **kogay** : No please I’m calling the cops

 **lanceylance** : and ? ill suck a cops dick too

 **kogay** : Swat team

 **lanceylance** : i have enough holes

 **kogay** : US Marines

 **lanceylance** : im braver than them all

 **#notmyshiro** : Thank U for protecting our freedom lance

 **gremlin** : you are all so dumb

 **kogay** : I hate being apart of this

 **#notmyshiro** : u love it Meith

 **lanceylance** : MEITH

 **gremlin** : AHSKDKFKKDKDKDKD

 **kogay** : What have u done Shiro

_**gremlin** changed **kogay** ’s name to **Meith**. _

**lanceylance** : LMAOOOOOO

 **Meith** : SHUT UR UP

 **#notmyshiro** : keith u gonna roll with it or are u gonna let it haunt u

 **#notmyshiro** : *Meith

 **lanceylance** : meith! meith! meith!

 **Meith** : YOU DID THIS TO ME SHIRO

 **gremlin** : meith

 **#notmyshiro** : quiet meith

 **gremlin** : meith stop yelling

 **Meith** : NO U CUMWADS

 **lanceylance** : shut up meith

 **lanceylance** : i feel uncomfortable when we are not talking about me

 **gremlin** : meith mogane

 **lanceylance** : can i perhaps say something controversial ?

 **#notmyshiro** : Go

 **lanceylance** : i would suck meiths toes

 **#notmyshiro** : *No

 **#notmyshiro** : U should say something else

 **gremlin** : in this house we DO NOT suck toes !!

 **Meith** : How about I break ur toes Lance

 **lanceylance** : :(

 **Meith** : :D

 **gremlin** : Messy

 **lanceylance** : i need laid NOW

 **gremlin** : good luck with that ugly

 **lanceylance** : WOW

 

 

**3:19AM**

_**smallermatt** sent a message to **biggerkeith**_.

 **smallermatt** : For One Night Only, You! Yes, You! Can Put Your Dick Up Lance’s Ass!

 **biggerkeith** : never gonna happen

 **smallermatt** : For A Short Time Only! Hurry Folks!

 **biggerkeith** : im serious lance doesn’t like me that

 **smallermatt** : dude cmon 

 **smallermatt** : he calls u the sexiest man alive 5 times a week minimum

 **biggerkeith** : doesnt mean anything

 **smallermatt** : yeah !!! it does !!!!

 **smallermatt** : u have nothing to lose

 **smallermatt** : sleep with him

 **biggerkeith** : um what about my dignity

 **smallermatt** : U lost that along time ago

 **biggerkeith** : i hate that ur right

 **smallermatt** : im Always right

 **smallermatt** : hes not gonna say no

 **smallermatt** : & seriously i get laid more than u its sad

 **biggerkeith** : wow ok

 **smallermatt** : ur saying yeah?

 **biggerkeith** : yes

 **smallermatt** : YEAHHH

 

 

**3:24AM**

_**wintersoldier** sent a message to **spiderman**. _

**wintersoldier** : hey uhhhh

 **spiderman** : yes

 **wintersoldier** : do U want me to come thru

 **spiderman** : well well well

 **spiderman** : if ur offering

 **wintersoldier** : i am

 **spiderman** : hell yeah

 **wintersoldier** : coming

 **spiderman** : U will be

 **wintersoldier** : i hate u

 **spiderman** : no u dont

 **wintersoldier** : we’ll see about that

 

**3:26AM**

_**lan** sent a message to **pid**._

**lan** : ASFISKHDSGDSKGKDSGJSDJVOASJFOASDV

 **pid** : i expect your firstborn son in 10 yrs time

 **lan** : HES YOURS 

 **pid** : great doing business with u 

 

**3:28AM**

_**thing2** sent a message to **thing1**. _

**thing2** : Did Shiro just go into Lance’s room

 **thing1** : idk

 **thing2** : Yes u do

 **thing1** : why are u trying to get me, a minor, to talk about sex

 **thing2** : Thanks for telling me everything I need to know sweetie :)

 **thing2** : I didn’t even mention sex

 **thing1** : o FUCK

 **thing1** : u didn’t hear it from me

 **thing2** : Understandable have a good day

 **thing1** : u should go visit hunk

 **thing2** : SHUT UP

 **thing1** : hehe

 

**7:13AM**

_**hunkle** sent a message to the group **OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET**_.

 **hunkle** : why am I the only person in this house that sleeps????

 **gremlin** : someone has to


	2. the founder and president mastermind behind heith has Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dad: are u baking rn
> 
> mom: raisin cookies
> 
> dad: raisin!!! why would u do that to ur family
> 
> mom: keith likes them
> 
> dad: keith huh……..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u guys so much for all the comments and kudos!! they are my life source so here's another chapter.
> 
> i tried adding a little bit of plot...not sure...but going with it......

**11:28AM**

_**lanceylance** sent a message to **OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET**._

**lanceylance** : question

**lanceylance** : are we peeta or gale stans in this house

**hunkle** : Peeta

**#notmyshiro** : GALE

**#notmyshiro** : antifa icon

**lanceylance** : agreed hunk move out

**hunkle** : BUT BREAD

**hunkle** : Im Love Bread

**gremlin** : we get it hunk ur kin with peeta

**hunkle** : no doubles

**gremlin** : as a lesbian i support peeta

**gremlin** : gale is for straight people

**lanceylance** : as a gay of color i resent ur statement

**#notmyshiro** : same

**hunkle** : peeta saved katniss

**#notmyshiro** : also tried to kill her

**hunkle** : HE WAS TORTURED

**lanceylance** : gale: antifa legend leading the rebellion against the capital(ism)

**lanceylance** : peeta: watching cake boss

**gremlin** : gale: murdering children

**lanceylance** : peeta: watching cake boss

**hunkle** : GALE: MURDERING PRIM

**Meith** : True gays stand with Finnick

**gremlin** : the straightest guy in the entire franchise? no sweaty

**Meith** : THERE IS NO HETEROSEXUAL EXPLANATION FOR THE SUGAR CUBE SCENE

**lanceylance** : u Like white boys? :/

**Meith** : Gale is literally white

**lanceylance** : not in the books honey

**hunkle** : So ur saying u wouldn’t jump Liam Hemsworth

**lanceylance** : hes Australian ☹️

**hunkle** : what does that even mean

**Meith** : He doesn’t even know what it means

**lanceylance** : im going back to work bloop!

**Meith** : Is there any chance we can kick him out

**hunkle** : not without a cause

**Meith** : I have cause

**Meith** : It is beCAUSE I hate him

**gremlin** : bad joke ://

**hunkle** : i laughed

**gremlin** : of course u did

**hunkle** : what does that mean

**gremlin** : anything u want it to mean

**hunkle** : ok

 

 

**11.44AM**

_**mom** sent a message to **dad**._

**mom** : shiro can I borrow your car tonight

**dad** : ye why

**mom** : picking up Allura from the airport

**dad** : ooooooooh yeah i forgot she’s back today

**dad** : i’m surprised lance hasn’t been screaming about it

**mom** : well 

**mom** : he thinks she’s coming back next month

**mom** : she wanted to surprise him

**dad** : thats really sweet

**dad** : he’s definitely gonna cry

**mom** : of course he will it’s pretty standard by now

**dad** : are u baking rn

**mom** : raisin cookies

**dad** : raisin!!! why would u do that to ur family

**mom** : keith likes them

**dad** : keith huh……..

**mom** : can’t a friend do a nice thing for another friend

**dad** : friend huh…..

**mom** : yup. a Friend. just friend

**dad** : why the fuck u lying

 

 

**12:00PM**

_**lan** sent a message to **pid**._

**lan** : want toooooo walk me home from work

**pid** : No

**pid** : tell me about ur sexy night with shiro first and u perhaps could change my mind

**lan** : im feeling very nicki minaj asexual moodboard today

**lan** : i never fucked i never fucked

**pid** : I’m This Close

**lan** : my impact

**pid** : Suffer

**lan** : see u at 4pm xx

 

 

**1.32PM**

_**keith** ❤️ sent a message to ❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️._

**keith** ❤️: Did u make cookies

❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️: yeah ur favourite

**keith** ❤️: No one else likes raisin

❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️: i made them for u

**keith** ❤️: Oh

**keith** ❤️: Um

**keith** ❤️: Thanks

❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️: no problemo

**keith** ❤️: Do u wanna watch Netflix

❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️: i just started Catching Fire come thru

❤️❤️ **hunk** ❤️❤️: bring the cookies

**keith** ❤️: Coming

 

 

**1:36PM**

_**Keet** sent a message to **Shit**._

**Keet** : Hunk made me cookies and invited me to watch movies in his room

**Keet** : ?

**Shit** : did you say yes

**Keet** : Yeah but what does it mean?

**Shit** : GOD

**Keet** : What

**Shit** : im going for a nap

**Keet** : Shiro no wait

**Keet** : Shiro

**Keet** : Shiro

**Keet** : Hope you die

**Shit** : cheers ill drink to that bro

 

 

**3.33PM**

_**lanceylance** sent a message to the group **OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET**. _

**lanceylance** : good afternoon girls and gays

**lanceylance** : supercut is playing in work

**lanceylance** : Finally i am free of the second dimension on this disgusting sunday

**Meith** : You’re crying in the toilets

**lanceylance** : AND WHAT ABOUT IT?

**lanceylance** : melodrama was snubbed

**Meith** : Alexa kill this clown

**gremlin** : this is valid tbh

**hunkle** : on God lance if u don’t go back to work

**lanceylance** : okayyyyyy momther

**lanceylance** : pidge are u still walking me home

**gremlin** : i never agreed to this

**lanceylance** : PLEASE

**gremlin** : no

**lanceylance** : HUUUUUNK MAKE HER

**hunkle** : i know i can’t make u do anything but im begging u pidge

**gremlin** : hmmmmmmmmmno

**#notmyshiro** : ill come get u lance

**lanceylance** : nah

**lanceylance** : i can walk alone

**#notmyshiro** : Oh ok

**gremlin** : ummmmmmmmmm

**hunkle** : lance thats Rude

**lanceylance** : Sorry

**hunkle** : really dude?

**lanceylance** : gotta go

**gremlin** : Weird

 

 

**3:38PM**

_**smallermatt** sent a message to **biggerkeith**._

**smallermatt** : Ok what the fuck happened between u and lance

**smallermatt** : don’t lie i will know

**biggerkeith** : nothing happened

**smallermatt** : so U didn’t shag

**biggerkeith** : we did

**biggerkeith** : And thats it

**smallermatt** : Ur lying

**biggerkeith** : Im Not

**smallermatt** : i will find out

**smallermatt** : and u will be sorry

**biggerkeith** : cool

**smallermatt** : WHAT DID U DOOOOOO

**biggerkeith** : shrug

**smallermatt** : >:(

 

 

**5:28PM**

_**MizzAllura** sent a message to **sweetums**._

**MizzAllura** : hunk!! my flight landed!!

**sweetums** : om g

**sweetums** : im waiting xxx

**sweetums** : keiths here too!!

**MizzAllura** : keith u say ??

**MizzAllura** : Im Listening

**sweetums** : pls not u too

**MizzAllura** : the founder and president mastermind behind heith has Returned

**sweetums** : go back to england

**MizzAllura** : I shan’t!

**sweetums** : i have had enough

**MizzAllura** : u missed me

**sweetums** : ugh i guess

**MizzAllura** : c ya soon! ❤️

 

 

**6:02PM**

**thing2** sent a message to **thing1**.

**thing2** : Hey we’re on our way back with Allura is everyone in the house?

**thing1** : yep

**thing1** : however there is an issue

**thing2** : What ??

**thing1** : i think somethin happened between shiro and lance

**thing2** : They fucked?

**thing1** : something else

**thing1** : something Not Good

**thing2** : Allura can fix it

**thing1** : lettuce pray

 

 

**6:08PM**

_**husband** sent a message to _**_wife_ 12 hours ago**.

**husband** : hey lura i know u probably wont see this cos ur in england and its basically cold Australia and they haven’t developed wifi or know how to speak english

**husband** : but shiro put his dick in my ass

**husband** : then told me he loves me

**husband** : so thats happening i guess

**husband** : going to pretend it didn't happen and suffer

**husband** : i miss u

**wife** : MOM HOLY FUCK

**Author's Note:**

> just to make it clear:
> 
> kogay, thing2, keet - keith  
> spiderman, lanceylance, lan - lance  
> gremlin, pid, smallermatt, thing1 - pidge  
> wintersoldier, shit, #notmyshiro, biggerkeith - shiro  
> hunkle - hunk
> 
> sorry for putting you through that xo


End file.
